Pain. Grief. Atonement

As Parents we hear that new little cry, we pick them up, cuddle them, feed them, change their diapers and they coo and smile and all is well.
As they get older they fall, scratch their knees, elbows, get sick. We mend their scrapes with band aids and kisses. We treat their fevers, feed their ailing bodies. They heal, smile and resume their play.
Then the teens set in and some of their pain comes from hurt feelings from friends, sometimes nasty gossip, a friend turns away from the gospel. Still they come to us and we nurture their hurt feelings..teach them how to handle nasty gossip, teach them to fast and pray for their friends. It takes a little longer, but they heal, smile, resume their play.
Then they are older and life seems good but then here is another bump, ditch or grand canyon that comes before them. A loved ones dies..our hopes and dreams and desires for our earthly life seem dead and gone. How do I move forward? Another tragedy comes our way and again where are our hopes and dreams? All they feel like doing is crying their loss or the loss of someone that they have loved. The loss doesn’t have to be in death…is could be any type of loss. A loss is a loss either way and you find your dreams shattered. You can’t see passed this hour, this day, this week…you can’t see next year. You live in the now and you cry.
Then you remember the visiting teaching or home teaching message that you just taught: This is the Visiting Teaching message I shared on Wednesday not knowing what deeper meaning it would hold for me exactly 24 hours later. "Burdens provide opportunities to practice virtues that contribute to eventual perfection. They invite is to yield 'to the enticings of the Holy Spirit and put off the natural man and become a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and become as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon us, even as a child doth submit to his father.' Thus burdens become blessings, though often such blessings are well disguised and may require time, effort, and faith to accept and understand."

"Further, bearing up under our own burdens can help us develop a reservoir of empathy for the problems others face." I now have "developed a reservoir of empathy" for others who have been in or will be in my situation.
You cry some more because you want and need to understand but it doesn’t come. As a parent we cannot mend this hurt, we cannot kiss the scraps and scratches, tend the fever and make things better. Now our roles have changed. Now we really learn to listen. And listen some more. Cry with them, cry for them. Pray, fast, hope.
And then you receive this text from someone you have loved all your life and they say: I’m suffering because I care to much and along with my own pain I feel like I’m suffering for my friends pain.
Then I think of D & C 122. My most favorite of all scriptures. Christ is reminding Joseph Smith of all the he is suffering while in Liberty Jail. And then Christ says: The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than He?
Then I am reminded of the suffering that Christ did for all of us in the garden of Gethsemene. He took upon himself all of our sins, suffered for them. He alone knows how to help those we love who are hurting. He knows their pain. He loved us all so much that He suffered so much so that we would have a chance to live with him some day.
The pain we feel today is no measure for the joy we will feel in the eternities. He knows that we will suffer today but he alone can ease the suffering. He alone can make us stronger and more prepared to live with Him again We must learn to turn our hearts to him.

Normally

Normally I like to post blogs with pics of my children and grandchildren. Today is different and it may be this way in times to come. Even though they are the light of my life and one of my many reasons to keep going and learning to become a better person I find a need to share my thoughts with those who wish her read. Those especially my posterity once I am no longer here, I want them to know me from the inside out. Most people do not really know me.

From my earliest memory I have always had a belief in God and a love for my Savior. I really don't ever remember not believing. Even after my father and brothers died that belief system never waivered. Partly because it never waivered for my mother.

I remember shortly after dad and Sean died I rec'd my first "holy communion". I always loved learning about Christ, but I could never learn enough. I wanted to know more and really know Him on a personal basis. I just didn't know how to at the time. I learned to pray, but not the way Christ wants us to pray that came on my own many years later. As a teenager I would find myself often talking to God while driving. This is when i really began my personal relationship with Him. I beleive that this is really when I began searching for truth. I needed to know and I wanted to know the truth. When I was 21 I was introduced to the Gospel of Jesus Christ through the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. This is when truth began to be revealed to me through the gift of the Holy Ghost and continues to be revealed often especially when I am in greatest need and desire. I know He is there and is my personl Savior and I know He loves me and i am thankful for this knowledge.

July 4, 2009

Well July 4th started here on the 3rd when Meghan, and Patrick's family went to 7 Peaks.(water park). I love going with the grandkids and hanging with the little ones while moms and dads take the bigger ones on the slides.

The next day I went to the ballons for the first time at 6am. I was sweet to watch the balloons blow up and then be taken up. They had some races which was interesting and fun.

Later the evening we headed to our usual place at the Provo Temple for fun, games and fireworks. Also to celebrate Meghan's 22nd birthday. It is difficult to believe that my "baby" is a senior in college. They grow so quickly.

Well enjoy the slide show of our fun on the 4th.

Parker's day

On Friday i had planned to take Parker up to Discovery Gateway. A cute children's museum. At the last minute Q ended up staying the night Thursday so he came along also. He is so good with the little ones. Thursday night he taught Parker how to pee standing up. After that they both went together.
We headed up to Salt Lake City and spent about 2 hours at the museum and then walked around the gateway center. As you can see they had some fun in the water. Headed to lunch then went over to Temple Square. It has been a long time since I had been there and there hasn't been snow on the ground. It just so happened that Friday was also a beautiful day, unlike most of the other days of June thus far. Next day not so nice. We walked around the beautiful flowers, enjoyed the tabernacle and chaple. They enjoyed the family of quail that we found. Loved the reflecting pool and the videos at the visitors center. It was a really nice day and had lots of fun with these two grandsons. I miss you already, Parker. Love Grami.

Laura

Well after being here for a month to give Jeremy a quiet place to study for his boards, she headed home today. I can't believe how quiet the house has become. I miss the chatter of little, loud(Landon) voices. I know that the boys will enjoy seeing their daddy tonight and sleeping in their own beds and room. I am sure Laura will be glad to have her bed back. Meghan is going down with her to spend a week or two and buy a newer car.
Thursday evening we had a picnic at the park to say good-bye. Sean and Ali couldn't come since they live more than an hour away but everyone else had a chance to say good-bye. I bought a "parada" (Pinate) for the kids and they had a blast. They really enjoy playing together. Reilly would rather hang with the grown-ups. Quincy is great with the younger kids, especally keeping the boys busy.

See you in September, Laura, Parker, Landon and Jeremy.

Summerfest

Well we had our annual Orem Summerfest this weekend. This consist of a carnival, evening parade and awesome fireworks display.

Every year it has been my tradition to take Shannon's kids (3+) and join Patrick and his family to enjoy this day. We usually do rides early in the day, then head for swimming, back for dinner, parade and fireworks. This has been the first year that Shannon had let the kids stay for fireworks since they are late and usually have early church the next day. Church starts at 1 this year.

Well with Laura here we had Shannon come with Kailey. Left Landon with Nana. Started out really nice and looked forward for a fun day. Then about 2 o'clock rolled around the the sky looked quite threatening. We were all headed to a local Subway for lunch except Laura who stayed with Parker and her father-in-law for some more rides. Reilly, Quincy and I were on a faster ride then headed to subway. It started to rain, then poor, right before we made it. Laura got stuck in the storms and searched for a refuge from the deluge. The only place that they found safe were the port-a-potties. Paul had Parker with him and Laura in another. From subway Patrick took Shannon's keys (she was parked closer) and went for her van and then headed to find Laura. She had already left to go for her van. She was already drenched by then. She picked up Parker and Paul. Took Paul to his car and he headed home. Patrick picked the rest of us up and went for our cars and met at my home. Slowly the weather became calm and the clouds moved on. We headed back around 5 for dinner and parade. All looked well and the kids were having a blast at the parade. Parades should be in the evening when it cooler, much more fun. Halfway thru the sky looked threatening again and we headed back to our vehicles. Some didn't make it before the rain began. Laura left to take Parker home. Scrub the fireworks. The rest of us crammed into Patricks' van to watch "Cars". Shannon ended up leaving with her kids. So much for fireworks this year. Meghan and Patricks family stayed for fireworks. It had cleared up somewhat by then. As always the best display.

This month has been a very wet month. We have has so much rain.

Well enjoy what pictures I did get.

This weekend I had a wonderful opportunity to drive down to Cedar City with Shannon, Reilly and Kassidy. Meghan goes to college there and this weekend was conference weekend for Track. She was running in the 800m. So we headed down Friday, came home Saturday evening. If was really nice to be there and enjoy this moment with Meghan with her sister and her nieces. Her nieces just love her..she is the fun aunt. Friday night the Shannon and the girls went swimming. I forgot my swimsuit. Oh well. The water was warm and they had a blast. Later we went out to eat and came back and hung with Meghan, her friend, Kim, and Meghan's friend, Tyler. It was fun hanging out and chatting about everything. Next day, swimming and track meet. Luckily it was warm with a nice cool breeze. Meghan was just awesome. She came in 5th overall. Then took her nieces around to different parts of the inside track to was other events. It will be nice to have her home for some of the summer.

The Thompson's

I was greatly blessed to be able to spend three days during Landon's first birthday. It was wonderful to see Laura, Jeremy, Parker and Landon. To watch them interact as a fun, loving family. The joy and stresses of life and how they handle them. Laura is such a sweet mother as she cares for two very active boys with a husband busy all day with medical school and studying. Not everyone can do this, but she is suited well for the job. She is a very strong women who can handle anything that comes along knowing that in the end, God is in control.

I got there about 2am Thursday morning. Laura let me in and I settle quickly on the couch and fell right asleep. About 7 I heard Parker come out, he comes over to me...my back is toward him...he looks and nudges me and couple of times and then heads in the mom and dad's room. For the next hour I listened to them talk, laugh and tease each other. What wonderful precious moments to share. Later Landon woke up and Laura got him out of his crib and put him on the floor in the living room. I turned around and said hi. He smiled. What a happy boy he is. And always on the go. Non stop, except when sleeping. Friday Laura and Jeremy spent the day going to the Temple and out to eat. Left me several hours with these sweet ones. We spent part of the day washing Grami's car. Boy, did they get dirty. But they had fun. My car did get washed and waxed. After naps, Parker and I made cookies and made valentine cards. What fun. Saturday was Landon's birthday and had a birthday party that evening with some friends. He had a blast, but I must say Parker had the most fun. He stayed up until almost 11 playing, jumping on the bed, watching a movie with his friend. I couldn't have asked for a better time as I watch the legacy of what my parents left in the lives of their grandchildren and great-grandchildren. How blessed we all are!!! To be able to be with my children and watch my grandchildren grow is so wonderful. Thanks Barb for allowing me this time.

Thoughts

This month brings many thoughts and deep feelings as I remember the day my father and brother were taken home to their father in heaven forty-five years ago. Also remembering the last times I spent with my mother one year ago before she left to join her family on the other side of the veil. Happiness brings knowledge that they are together again fulfilling the work that is needed on the other side preparing for the second coming of our Savior, Jesus Christ. As sad as I am that they are not here, but happiness knowing that they are together. What greater joy can one have than to know that we have the opportunity to be sealed as a father for time and all eternity in the presense of a loving Father in heaven. I look forward to when I can again be re-united with them when he calls me home. For now, I have work to do here as I continue to do all to serve Him. I love you Mom, Dad, Sean, Joseph, James, John.

Building Faith

Most of us know that the Gospel of Jesus Christ and that the Church of Jesus Christ is His gospel here on earth. We don't have to travel and search for a church when we move. His church is everywhere and the Gospel taught in one is the same one taught in any other around the world. We know that He has brought the Priesthood back to earth for the benefit of all mankind. One of the minor blessings is that our children are taught at the age of 3 to be able to give faith promoting talks in church. From 3-11 they get to give talks for other children in Primary. Twelve and above they give talks for the entire ward or congregation. I remember times when my children gave talks both in Primary and during Sacrament meeting. Well last week I had the priviledge of attending Shannon's ward and heard Reilly and Kassidy give their talks. Kassidy needed a bit of help but even two days before she knew she wanted to talk about Temples. Her family went to the open house of the Draper Temple and the beauty and peace of this sacred edifice was still strong. Reilly gave hers on baptism and receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost. This is fresh for her because she is preparing for her baptism in March and receiving the Holy Ghost at this time. She knows that since her dad holds the Priesthood she will be bapitized by her father and receive this gift by her father. How wonderful is the Gospel of Jesus Christ! This week I attended Patrick's ward. Payten was giving his first talk in Primary. He was so excited he went up early thinking it was his turn. His talk reflected on the creation fo the earth and Adam and Eve being the first parents upon the earth. It was sacred listening to their sweet spirits talk of their beginning testimonies of the Gospel. I look forward to hearing more and more of their talks in the years to come. I hope that I will be able to attend some of Parker and Landon's when they are old enough for Primary and listening to their sweet testimonies of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I give thanks daily for our belssing of being members of His church here on earth and hope that we never take this for granted. My love to all.

Building memories

Yesterday I invited Quincy and Reilly out for some Grami time. In the end I invited Shannon so she could have some special time with just her two oldest, also. Plus, I was taking them ice skating and they had never been before and I hadn't been really in about 38 years. Meghan called and canceled on me so I figured an extra hand would be necessary. Well to my surprise Reilly took to it like she'd been skating many times before and didn't need any help. She did like to monoplize her mothers' time though. Good for the both of them. Quincy did really well also, but he liked using his crutch..."helpers" that the kids could use to keep themselves balanced while learning to skate. He would really go fast with this device. We had dinner and then 2 1/2 hours of skating. I even did better as time went on. A bit nervous and wobbly at first. Shannon did very well. I love these times with each grandchild and plan on many, many more. This summer we have several hiking trips planned with Reilly, Quincy, Kassidy and Payten. I think that the mom's want to come to. We will see.

A Gift

This has been a busy week.

Tuesday we celebrated the gift of 4 enjoyable years with Payten. It is difficult to believe he is already 4. He is such a handsome young man with a sweet and happy personality. He loves both of his sisters and doesn't always like when Lilly has to take a nap because he loves playing with her. He also has such good manners, he is so very polite and kind.

Here are some pics I have of his party. Ok, let's be honest..Shannon will kill me for this picture, but I am the mom and I love it.

A Brand New Year

Well as difficult as last year was I look forward to experiencing a new year and the blessings and services that await. I don't usually do much...normally spend time with family. This year a friend invited me to a dinner and singles dance. The dinner was okay, but it was fun to see so many friends come in. The dance was the best I have been to. Danced and talked and danced and talked all night. Rang in the New Year with good Friends was especially nice. 

I look forward to many things this year. Reilly has made the decision to be baptized in March and that we be really special to have her father baptize her as she becomes a member of Our Lord and Saviors church. Then confirmed and recieve the gift of the Holy Ghost. What a good example she is to her younger siblings. I March I also plan on having my mother and father sealed together for time and all eternity as husband and wife and have my brothers and I sealed to them. I have waited along time for this and look forward to these eternal blessings. 

Come Summer I plan to spend time with grandchildren and hiking. There is so much to see and enjoy. So much He has given us that are right within my reach. 

Thank you Shannon, Sean, Patrick, Laura, Kevin and Meghan for making my life richer each and every day. My love for you is beyond the ability to hold.

Love and Family

I had the most awesome holiday season this year. Everyone was home. Patrick brought his Rock Band over and most were downstairs playing and singing. For once we didn't feel crowded. The kids took the older ones sledding. Next year I think that I will go out with them. It would have been so much fun to watch. 

Reilly and Quincy stayed the night on the 23rd and helped get things ready for our Christmas..24th. They are always wanting to stay with Grami. They love Laura and her family. On Jan. 2 Kassi and Payten were supposed to spend the night, but Kassi had pinkeye so she couldn't. Payten was a little disappointed though. We bought a little wooden helicopter and airplane at Wal-Mart that he painted that night. He did a great job. He stayed in Meghan's room and did well down there by himself. The next day we went to Thanksgiving Point and went through the dinosaur museum. He has so much fun digging for fossels in sand and water and pushing and inspecting everything. We also watched a movie about the ocean and fish, sharks and dolphins in 3D. I love to have this one on one time with them.